Lovely Day, Lovely Day

Let me start off by saying summer at work is not my favorite time of the year. But hey, gotta do what you gotta do. One of my many duties during this time is to pick up and drop off kids for morning and afternoon programming. Let me insert at this point that my heart is saddened by the events I am about to share.

Driving along a shaded road with the green trees on either side, the wind softly blowing the windows with kids singing along to the song on the radio, we pull over to pick up the last lovely student for afternoon programming. The student enters the silver van, four other students muttering their hellos, eager to get to programming for the swimming outing, we begin back down the shaded road with the green trees on either side. As the next lefthand turn is approaching the lovely child in the front seat says, "Watch out for that bird!"

The bird. The bird. Birds fly. Birds FLY. BIRDS FLY!! But for some reason on this wonderful summer day, the bird did not fly. The bird stood in the road and looked as the silver van with excited kids came nearer and nearer and nearer. And then all of the sudden, "CRUNCH!" My hands flew to my mouth (okay well just one because I was driving) and a single tear slowly fell from my eye down my cheek.

That's right folks. I killed the bird. Now, it cannot simply be my fault because the bird had no right being in the road in the first place. And who am I anyhow? Nature now has one last bird to sing lovely songs in the morning light. Nature now has one last bird to help in whatever birds are supposed to help with in the world. And who am I? I, in the eyes of the children, am now known as "The bird killer!"

So bring it. Make your comments and then never speak of this again. I beg of you (well not really, but this was a truly traumatic experience. I really don't think I will be able to drive again for at least ten minutes).

Ta Ta

SpLAT!

Ever wonder what that fly was thinking right before it splashed on your windshield? Um, was it wondering if the weather would improve? Was it wondering if it was going to be late for dinner? Or was it just daydreaming and that's why the dumb thing suddenly made contact right with your line of vision on your window?

So as I update my blog my sister just informed me that if I was a drinker she would think I was drunk while writing that last beautiful revelation. But, since we all know I'm not, I guess we can just chalk it up to mean that this little gangsta beeatch is a little creative in the head and in a little world that was created just for, well, me, it is my blog afterall.

Now I really have nothing new to report, but since soooooooooo many people have made comments about me updating my blog I thought I would humor you all with something, anything, plus it helps to relieve the stress from the voices in my head. I'm just messed up in the head, in the head... (hey Benny that was in rhythm with a little attitude throughout).

Anyhow, I am busy beginning the rehearsals for Fiddler on the Roof or Jew on the Roof as some like to refer to it. A friend and I went today to see Suessical the Musical, it was pretty interesting. I know now though that I would never be able to do a show with that many kids. Theater, Shows, the Arts, it's my therapy. Working with that many kids would just make me contact my therapist for another session. I just don't have that kind of money. I'm kidding, I really don't see a therapist, only when I look in the mirror. Ha, Ha, Ha. I know my jokes need work, but hey I'm laughing.

Trying to make this entry light, since I've been told my blog is rather serious, I will just briefly mention that I believe my choice for moving is leaning in the Chicago area. There's just more opportunity for me to pursue what I really desire to do. I've been watching the True Hollywood Stories and E! and I know that I just have to take the chance and go for it. By the way has anybody watched that new reality show, Fight for Fame? If not you should because anybody involved in acting would clearly look at those people and say, ...?!..?!!

So I will try to make it a priority to update my blog more often, but life is busy and a computer is not always on hand. So sighing off...

ReAliTy!

What we call the beginning is often the end.

And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.

~ T.S. Elliot

The end of something is nothing but the beginning of something else. I've never really thought of a situation from this standpoint, but if you think about it, it can really help to not be so bummed out about things that are going on, or ending. There have been numerous things this past month that has easily tried to take me down a few notches towards the puddle I have come from. While not completely thrilled or happy with the changes, I can only stop to take a deep breath and say, "Just bring it." I say this simply because with the challenges that I have faced, I have also experienced great opportunities, met great people, and have had great experiences that I wouldn't change for the world. So when I came upon this quote, I stared wide-eyed at the words and realized that I had been blinded by that which had "gone wrong" and completely diminished the awesomeness of everything that went right.

So with end of so many things, I am faced with decisions of where I want my new beginning to take place. I have been throwing around the idea of getting out of Toledo, while yes those who know me will say that I have been talking about it for years, but I think now I am actually ready to take action. Pursuing acting is something I've been desiring for years, but wanted to build a secure foundation of support before I took that step. I have been provided with the opportunity to connect with others in the field in two areas, Chicago and near Columbus. Now, the decision must be made to which way to go.

Chicago! Chicago would be great because there is opportunity and probably more possibilities of what I want to do. However, currently that would move me closer to family I'm not to sure I am ready to be near. Secondly, building my secure foundation would mean yet another licensure exam for another state, do I want to live in Illinois or on the border in Indiana?

Columbus area! I have thought about Columbus for about a year now, ever since a friend mentioned their connections, but working on my master's degree I was unable to make that move. Now, Columbus does have opportunities for numerous things. With it being the political hubb of Ohio, I would have great opportunities to put my degree I worked so hard for to work. Job opportunities and career advances would be amazing. Plus, I wouldn't need to take yet another licensure exam.

So my new beginning would be just that a new beginning. Moving away from Toledo and everything I would like to forget. Taking a fresh breath of air and starting over and building a life in which nothing or noone could influence. Not that I can run from the challenges I have faced here or rid myself of the pain or people that has brought me down, but that I would feel as though I had complete control and didn't need to stop and think about someone else and their needs, but focus on my for once. I've been thinking about this move for years and have finally decided that it's time to just do it. While certain situations over the past month may leave me a little skeptical of one of the choices, I'm not going to let the end of other situations stop be from the beginning of something better.

So with all that said, maybe those who read my blog can help in my decision by sharing the valuable knowledge you possess with the topic of moving, starting over, job advancement, and following a dream. Maybe I'm missing something important and haven't been able to make the decision because I haven't thought of everything.

So go on, tell me what ya think.

Ah, Benny, you got your wish. I updated!

Looking Inside

There is an acient Native American legend about a little-known tribe that was constantly at war with other Native American tribes. They abused their religion and their families, had no morals or feelings for others, laughed at wisdom or any kind of order. Murder, rape, theft and plundering were daily occurrences. The violent tribe seemed doomed to wipe themselves off the face of the earth.
Finally, an old chief gathered together a few of the least violent braves and held a council to discuss how they could save their tribe from themselves. The wise old chief decided the only thing to do was to take the secret of happiness and success away from those who abused it. They would take this secret and hide it where no one would ever find it again, the bigh question was - where should they hide it?
One brave suggested they bury the secret of happiness and success deep in the earth. But the chief said, "No, that will never do, for man will dig deep down into the earth and find it."
Another brave said to sink the secret into the dark depths of the deepest ocean. But again the chief replied, "No, not there, for man will learn to dive into the dark depths of the ocean and will find it."
A third brave thought they should take it to the top of the highest mountain and hide it there. But again, the cheif said, "No, for man will eventually climb even the highest of mountains and find it, and again take it up for himself."
Finally, the old chief had the answer, "Here is what we will do with the secret of happiness and success," he stated. "We will hide it deep inside of man himself, for he will never think to look for it there."
To this day, according to that old Native American legend, man has been running to and fro all over the earth-digging, diving, and climbing-searching for something that he already possesses within himself.