Serving a Purpose or False Hope?

Well, as most of you know I work with teenagers who have severe behavior problems. My job is interesting to say the least. One day things could be quiet and pleasant, while the next the day could be chaotic that leaves wounds in numerous ways. I go to work each day believing that if I can make a difference with just one student then it's all worth it. Yet, there are those days when you just feel as though no matter how hard you try, they will never be saved and they will continue in the revolving drama of tragedy and one day end up in jail or seriously hurt.

I suppose most of this is driven by the fact that yesterday some of the teens I work with were caught on tape beating up another teen because the teen was wearing red. The whole incident was caught on tape by a local news station. So, watching the video and being able to identify some of the teens beating one defenseless other is sad to say the least. Then to see the ones you can identify standing in front of you in school like nothing happened can literally break your heart. Most of the kids I work with are babies themselves. They have no role models. They have no sense of security. They will cry the moment their emotions consume them. Yet, there they are in the streets, in gangs, appearing as though they are the tough bully that they can only hope to be. They act in the moment, without thinking. Then when it settles in and they really think about the consequence of their action they begin to freak, they get scared. Yet, that emotion doesn't consume them enough to have them change their ways.

Most of the kids consider this place their safe place. Yet, we are bound by law to report things of this nature. The students understand that. They never hold a grudge for long. But to think that every day I come to work and I work with students who with no hesitation can beat someone just because of the color they wear leaves me to wonder if my work is even worthwhile. I believe I can help those who are depressed, bipolar, mentally ill, but those who are dedicated to the street, dedicated to live a life that leads to hurt and destruction, how do I help those? How do I show them that running scared the rest of their life, just as a teenager, is not worth it?

Many people have asked me if I think I make a difference. Many people have asked me if there are any success stories. There are. There really are. But how do you help those who won't and don't help themselves? How can I go home every night knowing that the kids I work with don't have the luxury to crawl into a comfortable bed with heat, some the luxury of a shower, knowing that they will spend their evenings, their weekend on the streets with people who they think have their back, but in a heartbeat would turn on them? Making a difference? I'm just happy if I can make one of them smile. I'm happy if they open up and share their story. But, ultimately it is their choice to make the change... and it's my choice to keep believing and show that I have hope in them.